I’ve found my voice..
I seemed to have lost my voice for the longest time..
In retrospect, this month has been the most upsetting month by far this year..within a mere few days, two individuals who meant much to me.. passed on. On the fourteenth of this month, i went to their wakes..
a wake up call for me.
Douglas.
On the tenth of August ,a monday morning, i sat at the camera crew area, waiting to set off for the day’s filming of home decor. My ap for the programme came up to me, looking distressed and hesitant.
I have got a piece of bad news for you..But i think i will tell you only after today’s filming..’cause it will definitely affect your mood for today.
What bad news ? you better tell me now…now.
Douglas passed away.
……………what?….WHAT?
Douglas passed away…..
time stood still…i frozed..my mind went blank.. i tried to make sense of what she has just told me.
that is not possible…a nasty prank? no…but i just saw him at michelle’s wedding..we were talking, laughing, taking pictures, marvelling at the card trick that this guy was performing for our little group…
I tried , at that moment, to remember Douglas..but i can’t..my mind was swirling in a maze of blurred images..i remembered not.
On the eleventh morning, i have gotten more updates of his mishap..i finally remembered.
I remembered the wonderful years we spent in Mediaworks..bit by bit, memories of yesteryears flooded my mind.good times..tough times..crazy moments..they all came rushing.I tried to grab hold of them, not wanting to forget every single bit of memory i had of this wonderful friend…
My uncle.
It was about one in the afternoon, on the fourteenth of August,i was napping in bed, when my mum shooked me. In a daze, i looked up at her..teary eyed,she spoke quietly..
second uncle passed away.
I blinked.disorientated. i pushed myself up..not quite understanding what she said.
i blinked. and then it sunk in.
And on that day i went to their wakes. a heavy day for me. My heart ached when i saw them in their coffins.. my heart went out to the folks they left behind.
It brought back painful memories of my loss of my father..memories i blocked..it just came back and hit me mercilessly.
i resent the feeling of loss.
i resent the feeling of pain.
Yesterday , Douglas was cremated.
Today, my uncle was cremated.
on August 19th, 2009 at 1:03 am
hey bryan,
though i don’t know them myself, but omg. its .. i dont know what else to say but to remind you that you have a lot of people still loving you and caring for you. very very sorry to hear this. we’re all here for you.. do take care and be strong for those who needs your support as well k? please take care. jiayou.
Best condolences,
Shirley.
on August 19th, 2009 at 1:11 am
Condolences. Your post brought tears to my eyes.
Sometimes, we need to feel again, to find our voices.
And sadly, sometimes we need the most excruciating pain to remind us that we can, indeed, feel.
I dread the thought of losing people closest to me. the thought itself is too painful to bear.
My thoughts are with Douglas, and your family. Take care.
on August 19th, 2009 at 8:02 am
My deepest condolences. May Douglas and your uncle rest in God’s peace.
on August 19th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
Deepest condolences…
Understand how you feel… it’s a cruel fact we have to accept these no matter how much we don’t want to. But I believe they will still live in the hearts of many people, which is a way one can still remember and keep them by one’s side.
May them rest in peace.
Take care.
on August 19th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
Hi Bryan,
Sending my deepest condolences to you and your family.
Life is short, do whatever u want and don’t hesitate cos we never know whether we have a tomorrow or not…take care and maybe peace be with u…………..Hugs
on August 19th, 2009 at 5:23 pm
*hugs*
The feeling of loss and pain is unbearable.. the memories that flooded the mind.. I totally understand… or maybe not..
*more hugs*
on August 19th, 2009 at 5:41 pm
bryan
hear this new thing we all feel so sad,but you konw at the world every thing is 有始必有终。plesas
believe the every thing will goes well,plesas don’t 继续 the bad feeling,do you konw we all so sad because yours feels, 缅怀。。。。
but also wish you don’t conceal yours sad,
would like the happy with you
悲伤止步
We have been with you
always
on August 19th, 2009 at 9:50 pm
Dearest Byan
Be strong and take care ……
on August 19th, 2009 at 10:46 pm
Dear Bryan,
It’s so sad to hear such a news, can feel the pain.
Deepest condolences to you & your family.
Take care
on August 19th, 2009 at 11:44 pm
Dear Bryan,
With Deepest condolences …
hmm … how should I begin …
I do not know what to say …
… sometimes I feel that Life is meaningless ….
I’m not being negative … but that is what life is all about … isn’t it ?
the moment you were born .. growing … and … waiting to Die .. .
recently my dad is suffering from stroke & heart bypass …this is the darkest moment in his life .. he is so miserable now … …we have to cop and deal with such mishaps ..
to cut the long story short … he didnt take care of his health …
without saying much .. i suppose everyone of us know .. what causes stroke, heart problem and many many others health issue …
sometimes i really feel that .. even if you try so hard to maintain your healthy life style .. still …fear of illness which at times is really beyond your control ..
sad to say .. you can Die but you canot fall sick leh ^^
well, i alwayz console myself .. be positive .. move on .. we are not the worst ..
otherwise how ? say is so easy than doing it .. but no choice lah =p
人生就是如此 。。
on August 20th, 2009 at 2:37 am
那种感受真的很难受…尤其是至亲过世时。我父亲离开时的情节还历历在目……虽过了几年，但是那种痛还埋在心底深处，不敢碰触。怕一碰触，一股悲痛如决堤洪水泛滥。
虽说离别是一种必经过程，伤感还是难免……节哀顺变。
on August 20th, 2009 at 3:39 am
Hi Bryan.
very often, we feel some extent of grief when our loved ones pass on.
But they shall live forever in our memories.
Could understand the feeling of loss and sadness which you are experiencing now.
My sincerest and deepest condolences to you and your family members.
Take care of your mother..
on August 20th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Dearest bryan,
I totally can understand how you feel because I lost my dear grandmother just 44 days ago. And I was very very close to her. I felt as if everything else in my life felt no longer meaningful anymore.
My deepest condolences to you. Do take care of yourself and your loved ones who are still around.
Stay strong!
And oh yes, I’m following you on twitter:)
on August 20th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
Bryan,
I’m sorry to hear that.
我知道你这几天的心情是灰色的，我知道没有比这些更令人悲伤的了。
我只想说，禄江哥，越是这样悲伤，你越要坚强。你要更好的照顾好你身边的人。
我们不能选择出生与死亡，但我们可以做到“珍惜现在所拥有的人事物”。
请 节哀 ！
裴涵 合十默哀
on August 20th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
Hi Bryan,
Losing someone who you loved is very miserable.
It’s hard to put down the feelings now.
Sometimes, we gotta ask ourself these questions.
Did we spend time with them?
Have we done the things that we’ve promised and yet didn’t do it?
Did we care for them when they need someone to be there?
If the answers are yes to all the above, I think is time for us to put a little efforts to it. But I believe you have done quite a bit, so do not be sad. It’s true that the sudden news of someone who you’re closed to have passed away and you were shocked but this is life.
Personally, I feel is if we have spent quality time with the loved ones (be it an hour – is also sufficient) – they will definitely feel it.
I may not be there with you physically but my ear is there for you. That’s the reason why I’m here.
** Gin to Bryan: Giving a comfort and caring hug… =)
Move on…
Cheers,
Gin
on August 20th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
Cheers up Bryan~ Take care
on August 21st, 2009 at 12:38 am
刚刚读到以下这这一段…
俗語說人生不如意事十常八、九…
我們生命裡面不如意的事占了決大部份，因此，活著本身是痛苦的。但扣除八、九成的不如意，至少還有一、二成是如意的、快樂的、辛慰的事情，我們如果要過快樂人生，就要常想那一、二成好事，這樣就會感到慶幸、懂的珍惜，不致被八九成的不如意所打倒了…
I am sorry to learn about what happened and I hope you are coping well with your losses… Cheer up as now you have two more guiding stars up there in the sky and they want you to be happy ok…
Boyi
on August 21st, 2009 at 1:51 am
Hi Bryan,
Wanted v much to write something to u but mind blocked, w only tears in my eyes & sadness in my heart. Hmm. Mayb I’m nt in my right frame of mind to speak about anything now too. But I hope Time will heal your heart and mine too. :`)
on August 21st, 2009 at 3:52 pm
Dearest Bryan
Sad, so sad… i cannot express in words
So misersable especially we lost our dear 1… Can feel the pinch inside our deep heart..
Take care,
Petrina
on August 22nd, 2009 at 9:53 pm
Boyi,
I like your message -)
Very encouraging.
人生就是如此。。不开心，也过一天。开心，也过一天。
哈哈。。说总是那么简单，但无论如何，加油！！
on August 22nd, 2009 at 10:19 pm
death is not something what we want to deal with, but we cannot run away from that.
i just dont like the feeling…
on August 25th, 2009 at 9:28 am
Hi Bryan,最近生活很顺利吧,看你的照片都有点发胖了^ ^不过我还是会一如既往的支持你.什么时候你会来上海呢?明年就要开世博会了,你会来玩的吧?!到时候我给你当导游吧(如果你不嫌弃的话^ ^)by the way工作不要太辛苦了,要保重身体哦!
on August 25th, 2009 at 10:06 am
Bryan不要难过,我知道这种感觉不好受,但是为了你的家人你要坚强,我们无力挽回已逝的人,我们能做的就是尽最大力量保护好身边的人,Bryan你能行的,一切都会好起来的!
on August 26th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
hello bryan, just found ur page n just want to drop a line or two… just wondering do u still remember me, ur classmate at tk ? we were in the same class i tink … remember kelvin, ashikin, swee onn, jazlan, pearl lam ???? these r just some of the names…. its nice to see u in the glamour world…. keep it up….. keep in contact…..
on August 26th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
dear ezra..eh..ezra sham?
on August 27th, 2009 at 8:50 am
“Food Hometown” 之”海南岛“将在今晚首播，敬请留意。
Bryan, 请 多保重。
on August 28th, 2009 at 8:54 pm
dear bryan:
i am sorry to hear that .i can feel your feelings .because i have the same sad experice with you .but i still want you to cheer up.because i think our passed familes will always be there with us .they will still be oue guardian angel in the heaven.
on September 2nd, 2009 at 12:37 am
dear bryan,
*hugs*
on September 4th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
yes, ezra sham b mohamed , how r u ? seems everything is doing fine for you.
on September 4th, 2009 at 10:01 pm
i am quite well..wow, its really nice to hear from u:)
on December 1st, 2009 at 10:46 pm
life is full of suffering and sorrow, everyone in our life will leave us some day. they have gave us endless love and happiness. treasure everyone who loves us. dear bryan.they just went to another world full of sweetness. just smile.